el augosto y el descanso

Ha sido mucho meses desde escribi o hable espanol. Entonces, este mensaje sera en espanol como mejor que puedo hacer. Estoy en Georgia otra vez y me gusta mucho. olvide como lo divertido esta este ciudad. Este dos dias pasadas, limpie mi coche, mude dinero, gaste dinero, compre mucho, muchas cosas que no necesito. trate no ver mi ex novia donde queda ahora. Estaba dificil y hoy tuve hablar a ella. Fue una conversacion muy terrible y triste. 

En la ciduad de oklahoma, tuve un buen trabajo, una novicita bonita, algunos amigos mejores, y mi madre. Por todo, estaba divertido. Mi madre y yo comemos MUCHO por todo el verano. Fui por casi seis o siete citas por todo el descanso. Mucho de los fueron malos o aburridos. Conduci el coche de mi madre para el mayor del descanso. Estaba divertido tambien. Pero se echo de menos mi coche. Y cuando regrese el dia anteayer, tuve que reparar muchos cosas como las sillas, el aire acondicionado, los zapatos. Tambien tuve que limpiar mucho.

Ahora, esta sentado en la casa de ella, salire por menos minutos. 

FUUUUUUCCCCCKKKK!!!!!!

Why do I do this to myself? Seriously, I've only loved one person and I thought that if I loved her enough that it would be enough to keep her with me even though I saw her drifting away. Then I thought that if I hated her with all of my soul that I could forget about her and move on but that is just not the case. Am I so desperate for love and affection that I go to whomever will give it? Am I so desperate for her that I will forego other potentials for her? Or is it that I am too cowardly or lazy to pursue someone new and build a new relationship from the ground up.

How do you go from Love to Friends in under 3 minutes? Is there such a thing? More to the question, how do you pretend to just be the friend? You know you don't want to hurt them so you don't tell them everything but at the same time, you want to because you want them to hurt like you do. Take the high road...Make them pay in the end. Everything comes back.

Dreams

Do dreams matter? Do they motivate us to do better in life? What separates dreams and goals?

What is the difference between selfishness and aspiration? virtuousness and pettiness? or immorality and ethical?

I have some dreams:

I want to graduate with a 3.5 I want to get accepted into The Columbia Law Program where I will debate intelligently with my classmates. My first year I want to qualify and pass my CPA exam. My second summer I want to get accepted into an internship where I will bear witness to the discussions of big business deals. I want to be debt free by 35. I want to enjoy my life. I want to travel the world limitlessly. I want privacy. I want to play the business game: taking what you want by manipulation and force. Allowing another person no choice but the one you delegate. I want to make money in my sleep. I want to own lots of land and rent it out to others. I want Power. I want a BMW 5 series and a motorcycle. I want to be able to see something on tv and say well that product looks nice, let's buy the majority stock of that company to turn the profit.

I want art to moderately line the walls of my house. I want a home theatre, a room for my instrument collection, a pool table, a gym, and a bar. I want secret passages in my house and I want a round foyer, with two staircases. I want to be fit and gorgeous. Not oh he looks pretty good for his size, no. I want to be, "you could wash clothes on his abs." and "I would give anything if he'd just look at me." I want to be comfortable, not arrogant. 

In another life, I would have liked to be able to come home to a loving wife and 2 daughters. Now, I want to be devoted to my livelihood. I don't want to have to ask ,"how much?" I want it not too matter. 

The Lord says that we are all equal. I don't want to presume that I'm better than anyone else. I just want to live comfortably on this earth while I have the time. 

I wish could be a good person, but with dreams like these there's no room.

How do I differentiate myself from everyone else without condemning myself?

As far as women...I'm not swearing off women. I just have no interest in people who are not interested in me. I'm an aggressive, mature person and that is not the best way to win friends or foster relationships. But before this realization and even after will still persist my idea of a perfect mate:

A lover of Foreign foods, cultures, and languages

Able to blend in in a room

Ambitious

Pretty eyes

Enjoys a casual debate

Organized

French/Spanish

Good hair

good hygiene

Intelligent

Music lover

Comfortable with themselves

Down to earth.

Life in Oklahoma

So, this is a huge change from Atlanta. Here I am with no job, no friends, I've been cut off and I am out of money. Besides all of that, the city is super boring. There aren't a whole lot of places to hang out other than bricktown as far as I know. I've been hanging out at some Jazz spots. But nothing major. 

So right now, I've been doing that P90X not only to occupy my time but to get fit so that I can look great for the next semester. I'm not sure if I'm going to stay in school in macon or whether I'm going to transfer. We'll see how it all pans out over the next couple of weeks.