I need more time!

So, I went on a date the other day! I know, it was a surprise for me too. I suck at dating. I know this. I'm not actually sure how, or why she went out with me. But she did and that's all that mattered. But anyway, that's not the focus of my story. The focus is that my Junior year is almost over. I'm not ready. I'm scared to being a senior because that means that my undergrad career is almost over and I have to face life. I'm not ready for real life. I was thinking that I will probably go on to Law school or something, just to put off life a little more. Honestly, I need more time. 

Writing.

So, in my "prime" I was a writer. Mostly songs and poems. But I was a writer, none-the-less. After some time, I stopped writing. I'm not exactly sure why. I just dropped it. It used to be my therapy. Something happens and I would write a poem or a song and just let it go. It was very therapeutic more of a catharsis than anything else. 

The good news is, I've started writing again. I've had a lot of things that I can't really just "Say" anymore. I have to express it. 

Today

Today was a bad day...

At least, it started off badly. I stayed up late last night preparing for the quiz and oral presentation that I had today. I was prepared. Everything was going to be fine. I had just gotten some bad test news and I was rededicated to learning things. Sadly, this morning, I overslept. Not just partially overslept. I slept through all of my classes this morning, not waking up until 1 o'clock. Well after my classes had ended. Then, after emailing my professors, I went to take a pee and would up locking myself out of my room in nothing more than a white undershirt and boxers. (I'm self-conscious and, going in public in that is very scary for me). After the my roommate graciously offered me some shorts and allowed me to borrow his phone, I walked to the ResLife office across campus to have them charge me 25 dollars so that I could get into my room...

Frustration

So, it turns out that my life and my problems are just a big joke to people. I have done some less than great stuff in my time. Many of which have been seen by public eyes. Well it turns out that two years later, people still find the need to not only talk about it, but to spread it. I was friends with this girl at the beginning of the year, just friends...nothing more. We would just hang out and chill. Then, shortly into the semester, the train began to roll...(this person told that person, that person told this person...etc) and my friend was told to stay away from me...The worst part is that they did! I didn't even get a "Hey, so I heard you did this two years ago. Is that true?" That I can take. But when people just take what everyone says at full value, then there is no way to escape the past. Little do they know, I worked and worked to gain control over myself. I admit that I was wrong for the action that I took. And I agree that there is no forgetting the issue. But, forgiveness is possible. If not, I will be forever marked a psyco. No good that I do can change the mindset of "people can't change" or "people can't grow". 

I will not be defeated. I stand with my head high while the stones of "redemption" fly. I will walk their miles and take their criticism. For, they do not know that they stand among kings. My time to rise and show the world the greatness inside of me will come. They will stand in awe.