How do you tell someone how much they mean to you without ruining everything? Decisions must be made at every stage of and those decisions can change your whole life.

Well, here I sit. Another day of packing has been completed and it's sad. I just feel like I'm shuffling through my entire life and it's kind of heartbreaking. I should be used to this, this is my 4th move in 4 years not counting . I should have it down to a science, right? It's almost as if my things should already be pre-packed.

I'm not sure why I'm still up and I've lost my original train of thought. But I'm sitting in my bed on my computer watching the commercial for P90X. I know that I really should just be doing it and not only watching the commercial. I know that I could look like these guys and be more flexible if I only tried. I think that I might try Tai Chi while im in Beijing. I hope that it will increase my flexibility and my calm. Of course I hope to still be working out during this year. I will have the digital version of P90X on my computer that I will be able to do. So, really, I could still do it.

I am at a loss. Should I stay, should I go? I do not belong here, in this house, with these people. How can I walk out there and smile at them knowing what I know and having done what I've done? It's very nearly impossible.

Concerns.

It's the last day of the world cup and I'm finding that I'm kind of sad. I'm finding out now that the end of the world cup means the beginning of my time in China. I am dreadfully afraid of leaving now. I wasn't before but now, things are changing and the looming results of my decision are showing up. I have NO understanding of the culture or the language. I have no money, or place to stay. I also have no friends there. I know that God will provide for me. But putting my trust in Him halfway around the world is proving to be a larger task than I had originally thought. Plus, I've just reconnected with an old friend which has proved to be a fantastic thing for me and my life. My family is moving back to the area where I grew up, the place I love and I've got a couple leads on some good jobs that I think I would be very good at.