What have we done?

It is hard to be a foreigner in a place full of foreigners. I don't think that I am explaining this well. Let's try this a different way. In school, people knew me. That's not meant to be conceited or anything. As a large quasi-outgoing black guy in a mostly white Baptist University, people notice you and talk to you. After that, though, I never seemed to have any friends, (in relation to the amount of people that I knew). I only had 3 or so people that I could call up and say, "Hey, let's hang out." I didn't really think much of it. I just thought that I was really busy or something and didn't have enough time to hang out with tons of people. Well now, fast-forward a year or two and now I'm in China. Yet, the same situation is arising, not only within the students, but among the staff. So, I have to ask myself, is there something wrong with me? The only commonality in these two situations is me. Now, this is not a self-defacating post. I am just wondering. It's not like I am super busy. I have the time to hang out with people who are doing stuff. I feel a little awkward inviting myself along on things that I have no business doing. I wouldn't mind hanging out though. Do I smell a little bit? Am I too slow? Too loud? I'm not sure. But these questions do arise in my head. I really wish someone would just be like, "Dude, we don't like you because..." It would make things a lot easier. Much less awkward. Then I wouldn't be sitting here, throwing myself into miscellaneous hobbies (guitar, photography, movie-making, blogging).

On another note, California is looking better and better. I haven't heard from her in a long time so I'm not planning to see what she does, if I ever was. But I can see myself there. It just feels like a place that I should be. I don't really know what it is right now that is drawing me there. I just feel like everything will be alright if I happened to be in California.

I think that it is about time to start job searching and preparing to apply to law schools. I have been putting it off but I think that with the economy the way it is and my life where it is, I need to start putting plans into action.