Christmas...

Today is Christmas... What am I doing here? I have no idea what to think today.

Christmas eve

It occurs to me that today is Christmas Eve. I'm afraid that I do not really have too many fond memories of Christmas or anything like that.
I am sitting here in the living room of our compound while my colleagues are comparing their Christmas tradition from their families. I cannot help but remember that my family and I have no real "Holiday" traditions. I am not 100% sure if we have any family traditions at all. I have never been one for holidays or anything like that. But I do get sad when I think about the holidays. I think that I really like the idea of having my own family and starting our own traditions that persist through the years.

I think that I am just jealous this Christmas.

New/Old Tech

This is a test blog post from this strange blog updater that I've gotten from the internet. I'm not really sure why I would need it or even want it. But alas, I have it and I want to see what this is all about. So, herewWe go.

A letter

Today I received a letter. This letter, although simple and concise, has brought me immeasurable joy and happiness. In it was the knowledge that I am still not alone in this. Every few weeks, I start to falter a little. I begin to think that maybe I'm doing it wrong, or that maybe I am bothersome in the amount of times I call or email. Then I receive reassurance that I am not and that there is no way that I could be. The delicate purple handwriting shows the side of her that I enjoy so much. Yes, of course, there is the adrenaline-junkie part with whom I enjoy discovering new things. But the manner of her letters, the ink with which she writes and the mannerisms of her speech are what remind me of who she is and why I think of her constantly. Even the hand-doodle picture at the bottom is just more reassuring to me. It would seem as if my heart grows fonder with every pen stroke shown on this paper.

Worries and Woes

I’m getting more and more concerned the longer that I sit here and think about my future. For some reason I feel like I do not have any viable skills that will allow me to go into the real world and make money. I talk to my friends, who are all incredibly intelligent, super hard-working, and insanely organized, and they say that it’s easy to find a job. I feel like college prepared me to do nothing. I’m good at studying languages. I can organize other people’s lives. But I can’t seem to manage my own life and keep myself from spiraling down a hole that I do not believe that I will be able to get out of.
I’ve always had this idea in my head that I would go to Law School and then go and get an MBA. Or the other way around. I really enjoy law and I enjoy thinking and even, to a certain extent, writing. But now I am haunted by thoughts of not being good enough. I am that guy that I promised I would never be. What am I to do? Who will take me? I am an average person, with an average skill-set, in a down economy. I want more than I can have and I have more than I need. But for some reason, the cycle persists. I think that I just want to go home and organize my life. I feel confused and overwhelmed here. Nothing is easy to accomplish.
It is about to become very difficult to pay my bills, because I will have to use Chinese money. This also means that I will lose a lot of the money that I make in fees. I hate losing money. I’m okay with spending money, but I hate to lose money.
Perhaps I worry too much. Or maybe I’m worrying just enough for my current situation. Who knows.

A Mediocre Fence?

There is a satisfying feeling that you get when you check something off of your bucket list. For me, that thing is the Great Wall of China. Today, after being less than 90 km away from it for 4 months, I finally set foot onto the Great Wall. Now, let me say, there are some things that people exaggerate. Some people insert extravagant adjectives, where only meager ones are called for. Let me be the first to tell you that this is NOT the case when talking about the GREAT Wall. Aptly named, it pretty much encompasses, what used to be, the borders of China. If I were in an army marching toward this gigantic structure, I would be instantly disheartened.
It was a beautiful day that I travelled, with 5 of my female coworker/adventurers to experience this marvel. The sun was shining, there weren’t too many people, there was not an inordinate amount of fog. The only thing that could have made it better would have been if it had not been -3 degrees Celsius outside. That did put a slight damper on the whole day. Not enough, however, to deter us completely. This trip was sparked by one of my co-workers who is leaving to go back to America for good on Thursday. She told us, “I can’t go back until I see the great wall.” This is absolutely true. You just CAN NOT return to America, after being in Beijing, without seeing it. Some of the Chinese students have told us that, “you’re not a real man until you hike the Great Wall.” That’s right people, they call your masculinity into question!! It’s outrageous.

About the actual Great Wall:
It is very strange to walk the wall because not a single stair on there is remotely the same. We all joked that the engineer had to be a man with one short leg and one long one while suffering from cataracts. We thought that he stood there on one of the many uneven spots, and with his juxtaposed legs, concluded that they were, in fact, even. A bunch of us were also confused as to the reason that the wall does not go in a straight line from A to B. Instead, it weaves like a serpent from A, to C, around Q, dipping through L, before coming to a pause at B. It turns out that we had lots of questions, coupled with just as many hypothesis, but no real answers. We kept walking and joking to mainly avoid thinking of the pain of it all.

Bicycles and Books

I signed up for a Chinese class in Beijing! For the next two weeks, I will spend two hours a day in a classroom in Wudaokou being taught a Chinese. The program first came to my attention by way of one of the married couples in the program. They have participated in the two week classes off and on for the past year or so. With their guidance, I decided to do the same. Unsure of what to expect, I brought my 300 RMB to the small school located in the heart of our district. Since I was a first time guest of the school, I got to experience my first class for free. They didn't have to do that, I would have paid for it right then but the workers at the school insisted that I try it first. So I showed up today with my notepad and a pen ready to absorb the Chinese language. The class has only 7 people in it, ideal for student teacher interaction. I was primed and ready to slowly work my way through the English language. Sadly, that was not how this class worked! Our teacher, a woman in her mid to late twenties, walks in and greets the class. After a short period of arranging her things, she starts blasting through vocabulary and phrases that I had never heard before. (Point of information: I have come into the class a couple days late and it seems that those few days have made all of the difference) I was encouraged by the knowledge that, although I did not thrive in the class, I was not sinking miserably. The Mandarin knowledge that I have acquired over the past 3.5 months has served me well enough to absorb other lessons in Chinese. My biggest shortcoming became apparent when our teacher began writing on the board, about 3 minutes into class. She writes completely in Chinese characters with a smattering of Pinyin. The problem is that I, Akil Thomas (self-study Chinese student of 3.5 months) do not know more than 5 common characters in Chinese. Here this woman was, writing complete essays on the board and expecting us to read them. Mainly, I just smirked and continued scribbling furiously into my notebook. There was a point during the 2 hours where I decided that I wanted to learn the characters too, so I endeavored to copy them down as she had written them. By the time I finished, painstakingly drawing the two characters at the beginning of the sentence, the teacher had finished writing, explaining and was moving onto questions! Needless to say that I abandoned any other such pursuit during class time. I did however learn a great deal of vocabulary and sentence structure that I believe will GREATLY improve my oral Chinese. I do want to learn to write a little; or at least to recognize written characters. We will see how long that lasts. So I will spend some time on that after I spend some time CATCHING UP to where the rest of the class is. Oh, I forgot to mention...those few days that I missed allowed them to make it all the way to chapter 13!! Yes, crazy!!! Chapter 13!! On the other hand, I was keeping up with a class that was already on Chapter 13. Kudos to me, eh? Yes, I think so.

Okay, so in order to get to my lessons I decided to borrow my friend's bike and take on one of the most harrowing journeys that I have tried to do. I am not sure how familiar with the Beijing bicyclists, and their system of transport, that you are, so I will venture to inform you. First let me say, people are crazy no matter where you are. It turns out that motorists hate pedestrians, pedestrians hate motorists, and everyone hates cyclists. The problem arises when, 55% of the population finds it necessary to ride their bicycle and the other part of the population that drives finds it necessary to completely ignore cyclists. They also ignore all of the regular rules of the road. It is quite scary! Not to mention the wind. It was very refreshing to be back on a bike, though it was incredibly disheartening to have crazy drivers zooming by weaving in and out of traffic. Since I normally ride in GA, I was not used to any of the elements that I was going to face while I was riding. Aside from the crazy drivers, was the wind, which always seemed to be against me! I have no idea how it was possible. I was only in class for 2 hours. It should not have changed that quickly. Anyway, it was only a 14 mile day. But it was 14 miles further than I have ridden since my arrival in China.

It turns out that my last post was a little sad. I think that I was having a bad day and needed to let it out with a little poetry. I implore you to believe that, although life is very stressful, I am having some of the best times of my life. It is crucial to take life as it comes to you and to keep moving. This is a lesson that I continually struggle with and am working to improve.

China is good. Right now it is bitterly cold and unbearably windy. During our next break, I think that I will travel to some place with a bit more sun and sand. I hope to visit the popular south of China, Hainan. Hainan, is said to have some of the best beaches, in China, and as such, tends to attract many tourists to in clear blue waters during the year. At first, I planned to go to Shanghai with a bunch of co-workers and some friends to ring in the new year together. As it turns out, it is very hard to plan when there are so many strong willed people involved. So, I decided that if I'm not going to that city to enjoy all that they have to offer, that I am going to find my way to a beach somewhere. I will sit in the sand with a book or two and drink beers and margaritas. I will watch the sun come up when I wake and then I will bask in it's glow as it descends below the horizon. I can not wait. I think that it is exactly what I need right now.